Scared
Too scared to feel
Scared to think what other people may think
Scared to change
Scared to care what you think
Scared to not do what other people think I should do
Scared of loving you
Scared to stand up for myself
Scared to have a voice
Scared to act different in front of you
Scared to give into my pride
Too scared to have shame
Scared to look into your eyes
Scared to look away
Too scared to give a damn
Scared to shake
Scared to cry
Scared to be different
Scared to have a clue
Scared to make a move
Too scared not to care about you
Scared to look like a fool
Scared to shout
Scared not to look angelic
Too scared not to have doubt
1 comment:
Yes, I am commenting on my own blog. I'm kind of slow and it takes me awhile to put all my thoughts together. As I drove home today thinking, (as I often do) pondering the most random thoughts, preparing to engage in my own world where answers become questions and where, after thinking long enough ‘rights’ morph themselves into ‘wrongs’ or wrongs into rights…whatev. And I think about this big mess of paragraphs with the word 'scared', written in each line as if I was trying to see how many times I could match that word to describe how I felt and by doing this, quite possibly, this would make everything better or go away. Whatever I wanted it to do at the time of conception (…hmm...lost my train of thought.. something a mute would say…bananas! oh yeah..) So I was thinking about this and realized when I first wrote it, that it was simply about one impeccable being who had made me feel as if I was somehow blessed to be the most honest person they had ever met, incapable of the act of fib and I had suddenly lied an awful lie to the point of no forgiveness and ‘damn you to cowardice!’ they‘d say, if there were such a thing. But as time marched on, I continued to type the word ‘scared’ frantically across the screen, another brain cell ruptured from dormancy, probably after being diluted from the love of the Alcohol (in a former life of course), and I fathomed yet another person that I could impose this message of vulnerability upon. And after all that was said and soon to be undone, each ‘scared’ rightfully owned up to the culprit it spoke of. It was nothing I intended, just an overdo confession and I thought why not put it in a blog? The funny thing is, but not really ‘lol’ funny, is that each owner will never know that this state of fondness lacking poise triggered only by involuntary emotions, exists outside of these blog walls. And for the bored lonely souls, with a sense of inquisitive thirst for useless blog thoughts, reading for their not so infamous chance at blog fame, I commend you blog interpreter. We have something in common. Thank you and you’re welcome.
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